Week(end) in Review

Welcome to this week's review of what may or may not have happened to me over the weekend. To add an aura of intrigue to the debauchery, I've decided to take a quiz bowl approach this time around. By answering just a few easy questions, you can marvel at how similar (or you hope, how different) we are! Answer honestly, because at the end of the day, you're really only fooling yourself. Think Bayside vs. Valley, with a date with Kelly Kapowski on the line.

Here goes. Oh, and keep track of your answers for a complimentary personality assessment at the end.

1.) You've begun to establish friendships with like-minded colleagues from work, and are invited to join one of their birthday (i.e. bar) parties. Upon arriving, you meet a lot of new, cool people and start to have a great time. However, one gent seems inept when it comes to remembering your name, repeatedly calling you "Carl". You...

A.) Say nothing. You are new, after all, and wouldn't want to rock the boat.
B.) Politely correct him, and try using your multi-syllable work name to make it easier for him to hear you in the crowded bar.
C.) Note that he is drinking rose wine (seriously), and take to calling him "White Zin". Continue doing so all night, even after he has self consciously traded in said wine for beer. Overhear him refer to you as an "American Prick" at the end of the night.

2.) The party begins to get rowdy, and you start flirting (er, being obnoxious) with some ladies at a nearby table. However, your accent proves a formidable handicap, as one girl, visibly irritated, stops the proverbial record to ask you where you're from. You...

A.) Say you're from the United States, but that you feel particularly privileged to be spending time in London.
B.) Tell her you're from Michigan, and hold up your hand to provide a visual aide in hopes that she is familiar with the area.
C.) Say you're from Canada. When she excitedly responds "me too!", you articulate further (Manitoba, of course) and lead the table in a rousing rendition of 'O Canada despite knowing few of the words. The bartender asks you to shut the eff up. Twice.

3.) After much sleeping, water drinking, and groaning the following day, you're hit with an indescribable urge to see Tom Cruise Scientology vehicle Mission Impossible III. You...

A.) Realize that Tom Cruise, Scientology, and impossible missions don't align with your values, and instead read a book.
B.) Determine that your urge is being driven from the desire to make fun of Tom Cruise, Scientology, and impossible missions. Scour the internet in search of the endangered South Park Scientology episode (short clip here) wherein "Tom Cruise and John Travolta will not come out of the closet". (Note: R. Kelly makes a cameo as well.)
C.) Pony up $20 to see MI:III. Find yourself laughing giddily at the amazing action sequences, and almost choked up during a scene where Tom Cruise is faced with the prospect of watching his wife die. Enjoy nearly the entire thing. Stay through the closing credits to hear the new Kanye West MI:III song. Listen to 3-4 bars. Run out of the theatre spewing vomit and feeling repentant for your worldly sins.

4.) Feeling a need for fresh air, you take advantage of the weekend weather and walk around a bit in Hyde Park. Eventually, you and a friend find yourselves resting on a park bench in a peaceful area of the park, adjacent to a small pond. You...

A.) Rest in silence for 15 minutes while enjoying the unlikely British sunshine.
B.) Talk quietly about, well, the unlikely British sunshine.
C.) Engage each other in a heated debate over the feasibility of swans and ducks having sex, where all of the pigeons go when they die, and why idiots insist on feeding those flying rats. Annoy those around you, including innocent young couple feeding flying rats. (Seriously, though. Wouldn't you think you would see more dead pigeons?)

5.) Anticipating a tough work week ahead, you plan to spend some time catching up on work emails and project planning on Sunday night. However, a friend calls to invite you to watch the Pistons in game 1 of their conference semifinal. You...

A.) Stick to the plan, and dig into monotonous work tasks.
B.) Watch the game on T.V. in your apartment while multi-tasking with your work laptop.
C.) Head to the sports bar to watch the Pistons put a beatdown on Lebron's Cleveland Cavaliers. Order rounds each time Ben Wallace or Tayshaun block a shot. Return home around midnight.

Alright. That's enough for this week. How did you do?

If you answered mostly "A": Join the Nice Police immediately. The Academy needs you, and the rest of the world may eat you alive.

If you answered mostly "B": You've probably got your isht together. Life management tips are welcomed.

If you answered mostly "C": You and I must be friends. Sorry, man.