'Tis the Season
Ahh, the holidays. A time for giving, family, and drunken office parties. You would think the latter would have found itself phased out of Corporate America given years of awkward mornings after, right? Nish nish. And in Europe, these things appear to be even more likely to result in a post-open bar visit from the ombudsmanperson. Words can't begin to describe the hilarity of my company's black tie London party, which took place this week. As such, I've included a brief trailer for your viewing pleasure.
Let's start with some context. I work at a Fortune 100 company known much more for its conservatism and general stodginess than for innovation or groundbreaking products. It's a "Best Careers for Working Mothers" kind of place, if you will. If only those poor house husbands knew what their women were up to.
I think my favorite part is when the guy on the left, in a celebratory nod to our strong year-end net income results, starts dry humping the woman laying on the floor. Admittedly, it's tough to catch with that flame eating woman gallivanting all over the place. Yep. This is where I work. And I haven't even mentioned the women dancing in suspended cages. During dinner.
Let's start with some context. I work at a Fortune 100 company known much more for its conservatism and general stodginess than for innovation or groundbreaking products. It's a "Best Careers for Working Mothers" kind of place, if you will. If only those poor house husbands knew what their women were up to.
I think my favorite part is when the guy on the left, in a celebratory nod to our strong year-end net income results, starts dry humping the woman laying on the floor. Admittedly, it's tough to catch with that flame eating woman gallivanting all over the place. Yep. This is where I work. And I haven't even mentioned the women dancing in suspended cages. During dinner.
posted by cjb at 8:33 PM
7 Comments:
Wow. I don't even really know what to do with that. Congrats on another great FY, everyone!
I'm sure that the holiday party for my nonprofit, which is taking place tomorrow afternoon from 1-4 and at which EVERYONE GETS TWO DRINK TICKETS AFTER WHICH YOU ARE CUT OFF, will be just like this. They're even bringing in a karaoke machine.
Uhh. Alright, now I feel sort of bad about making fun of the party. Come to think of it, I would have been much better off with a 2 drink minimum. It would have at least prevented me from introducing my old boss to new colleagues as the best/worst boss I've ever had (I alternated 30/70...though she didn't laugh as much toward the end...)
But what a tease. Karaoke after only 2 drinks?
Oh, it's going to be so awkward. I was planning on skipping it entirely - there's nothing I hate more than awkward social time with even more awkward coworkers - but there was talk of cash being passed out to people who are there. LIKE YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR COMPANY GIFT IF YOU DON'T SHOW UP AT THE FUCKING PARTY. I hate these clowns.
CASH!! Wow, have things changed over 7 years. My Christmas party consisted of a bowl of strait cheap vodka with food coloring to make it look yellow and a female supervisor HOOKING up with the not so attractive co-worker then driving the company car back to the main office.DRUNK I might add, We had to stay sober to watch all of her actions.
PS. She got demoted for her actions.
Heck, she must not have liked her job!
I got a stale ham sandwich out of it.
Aunt R - It's good to see that although the scale and scope of holiday parties has changed, inappropriate drunk office hook-ups have endured. Adds a bit of stability to this fast paced life of ours.
And Emily, I need an update. Did cash fall like manna from the heavens? Were you able to orchestrate some type of drink ticket laundering scheme?
I had high hopes for the holiday party at my Fortune 100 company this year, and it turns out that I have to PAY FOR IT. I'll take flame-eaters any day.
If, when you say "fell like manna from the heavens," you mean "awkwardly passed to me from my administrative assistant with a feeble 'happy holidays,'" then, yes. Yes it did.
And the drink ticket laundering was so good that I ended up looking like a cautionary tale on "Intervention." I spent all day at work today scuttling around cubes and offices apologizing (but really more because I needed to find out what I did).
Heck of an office party, nonprofit. Sober karaoke and all.
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