CityHangover Blog Circus

'Cause it's the freakin' weekend. I hit "Next Blog" ad naseum, you reap the comic benefits. Foreign language blogs will be skipped (They have the internet in non-English speaking countries now?) and one "Pass" will be tolerated. Here goes:

1.) tay loves you to death (literally)
Author: Tay kay. She's in love, has feelings, and is "over emotional but not emo."
Subject Matter: High School stream of consciousness
Recent Blog Brilliance: "I saw Blayr today, and BTW I havent seen her in about 4 months or so. And her birthday is coming up.. so I had a flower and I gave it to her. Well, first off, she rolls her eyes at me when I walk out of Fulmore. Then, right as she is leaving, she throws the flower on the ground and smashes it. I dont know if she is mad at me..?
Blog Roll? Uh, No. But I am curious about what's going on with Blayr.

2.)Bush Plays Politics with 9/11
Author: LAGARESH. He's "a proud of American". What?
Subject Matter: Anti-Bush musing(s) - it appears he's pasting in the same post over and over?
Recent Blog Brilliance: "Although I did not listen to the President’s speech on September 11, 200 celebration read it online the next morning. I can say that I was very surprise to hear the President making basically a political speech for the sole purpose of saving the Republican party mid-term election coming this November."
Blog Roll? Doesn't really fit in with my subject matter (although W. did have a drinking problem, right?). That said, E.S.L. has never been so clear man!

Skip: The Idealistic Philosopher. Ahh, such a typical New Yorker. Quotes Myers-Briggs result, boasting that her classification (the blog's name) constitutes "only 3% of the population". Remaining 97% puke in their mouths.

3.) Running With Scissors
Author: A "Strange Bird" who was "raised by a cup of coffee". Witty.
Subject Matter: Her boyfriend. Her grad school (?) apps? Hmm, less witty.
Recent Blog Brilliance: "So I am reading this book called "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch. It's actually one of the textbooks for #1's couples therapy class, but since I insisted so strongly on borrowing it from him when the class is over (it was recommended to me by a friend some time ago), he bought me my own copy so we can read it "together" (or at least, at the same time). READ THIS BOOK! I'm barely into it yet but I'm already moved... this may be because it mirrors the growth and progress I am seeing in myself as of late, but it may also be because it is true."
Blog Roll? If I ever sound like this, put me out of my misery.

Best. Haircut. Ever.

Tonight I was given a sign that God does indeed exist (and that he's aight with all past and future church sign renderings). During what has become a requisite post pub Macker's stop, I was blessed with one of my best Euro haircut sightings to date - which I can only describe as some type of euromullet/tail hybrid (click on the photos above for life size evidence). Amazing!

I've made a note to stop at Supercuts tomorrow to inquire about how I might shift my current euromullet growth trajectory to incorporate a tail. I'll let you know how it goes.

(Did I mention that I faintly remember having a "tail" haircut as a child? I also allegedly wore bolo ties on special occasions - which, according to its Wiki, is the official neckwear of Arizona.)

I Thought Only Drinking Caused That?

Ok. I get it, England. I won't smoke. Sheesh!

See the full PSA here. (You don't know how much porn I had to enjoy endure to find the website.)

My Sunday's Best

A new Sabbath tradition?

Another Day at the Office

Some days I fear that I'm destined for an interminable cubicle existence. I cringe when I consider 30 years of powerpoint slides, project plans, blue button up shirts and khakis, working endless days with only casual Friday to look forward to. Other days though, I realize why I chose to work in the financial services industry after all. At the end of the day, it's really all about the people, isn't it?

Case in point: as part of my project at work, I've begun to spend a day each week at our call center in Brighton. As part of my first visit this week, I was scheduled to listen in on calls made by a woman named "Michelle". Why the quotes, you ask? Well, on the train ride down, I was informed by a colleague that "Michelle" actually used to be "Michael" (it was pitched to me as "just so you're not taken by surprise"). You can imagine my general excitement upon hearing that I was going to be working with a bona fide transexual! Unfortunately, when we got to the office I was informed that Michelle was actually off for the day. Guess where? Yep. You got it - a beauty pageant! Although disappointed, I bounced back in time to get on Michelle/Michael's calendar for next week and proceeded to the cafeteria for my lunch meeting. Also now known as the hardest 45 minutes of my life.

Having never met my lunch "date" (I'm just putting that one in quotations to be annoying), I was, well, surprised to find that she was substantially cross-eyed. Like cartoon-character-after-getting-hit-in-the-face cross-eyed. So there I was, avoiding eye contact at all costs, thinking about my meeting next week with Michelle/Michael, and generally wondering what the hell I was doing with my life. And let me be the first to tell you, when you're trying your damnedest not to look someone in the eye, eye contact becomes frustratingly easy. It was hell.

My trip down to our call center got me thinking about one of my favorite episodes of The Office from season 1 called Diversity Training. A clip for your viewing pleasure:



Update: On my way to work today I stopped at my local Starbucks, like I do most days. (Relax. I usually order a regular house coffee, not some type of $6 "dos chai latte por favor" shit.) Anyway, today the woman that served me was cross-eyed, call center style. Am I being punished? And am I the only one that feels like they need to look back and forth at each eye individually when confronting those of the cross-eyed faith? Hmm. I feel a church sign in the making.

So Julia's Last Name is Going to be Gulia?

Did you hear that? Listen really closely. Yeah, that. Uh huh. You've just witnessed a universal sigh of relief as we reach the end of yet another summer wedding season.

Before I continue, I should clarify a few things at the risk of seeming completely misanthropic. (Because you haven't all already seen that side of me, have you?) As I've mentioned, I made a trip back to the states recently. My visit was motivated largely by not one, but two civil unions. At each, I'll admit to experiencing a somewhat foreign emotion best described as genuine happiness for my newlywed friends. In fact, at the first wedding, I may have even gotten something in my eye resulting in a marginal amount of moistness. (Don't worry, I proceeded straight to the men's room to do a few lines give myself a firm mirror pep talk). Despite these emotions, I'm still somewhat apprehensive about weddings. I just find them weird. Anyone?

The first wedding took me back to my hometown in Michigan, which is, I believe, indicated on most maps by its more appropriate pseudonym: "Bizarro World". What is it with Michigan and country music, anyway? But I digress. Said wedding was at a beautiful golf course and the couple went to extra lengths to personalize the ceremony. (Think individually written vows, slideshows, and the groom's writing/singing of a love song for the bride. Shiiiiiiit.) The couple went as far as to invite yours truly to conduct a reading to lead things off. Although I was still emanating alcohol from my pores due to the prior day's NYC Michigan tailgate festivities, I was reasonably awesome if I do say so myself. Then again, my dad did liken me to a newscaster (I may have told the crowd to "stay classy", but wasn't that in Maya Angelou's poem?) so I'm not quitting my day job. Anyway, yeah, the wedding was nice. But trying to make small talk with people I haven't seen in, oh, up to 8 years? Painful, to say the least. I called people by the wrong names, asked parents (who look wholly the same after 8 years, by the way) about their children - by the wrong names, and generally got my awkward on. I was given ample opportunity to talk about how successful I've become too (you know - hungover, in debt, single, and generally a mess), which made me ready to get out of there just as the bride began rolling around on the dancefloor. Bummer. I barely got a taste of the open bar.

At my second wedding I was intent to right the wrongs from the first, so I took a tried and true approach and skipped the wedding altogether in favor of the reception. If anyone asks, I'm pretty sure I said I was toward the back of the church during the wedding, so play along. This wedding was quite different from the first - a Chinese American couple looking to celebrate with a reception recognizing both cultures. It included an 8 course meal of Chinese delicacies (interesting, albeit somewhat challenging to eat), some traditional costume changes (who knew?), and what quickly became the highlight of the evening - the best wedding DJ ever. Given the crowd, I'm convinced he came from the now defunct best sort-of-Asian bar ever, 46 Grand (R.I.P.). Dude played originals of well known hip-hop samples during dinner, and heated things up after dinner with just about every song you learned most of the words to in the last 8-10 years. Since I didn't get my money's worth from the tap at wedding #1, one could say I hit the open bar at wedding #2 a bit hard. By the end of the night everyone else had done the same, and I resurrected my relationship with Positive K's I Got A Man during a passionate duet with a co-worker. Great professional decision, I know. Can't wait to talk about how successful I've become next year!

I've already been invited to another wedding in the winter, but am just not sure I'm ready to face these demons again. Instead, I'm thinking about taking on the approach voiced over dinner by a friend at wedding #1. When speaking of the aforementioned winter wedding, she noted dryly, "I think I have a policy against going to weddings that are so clearly going to end in divorce". Right on, man.

What Would Jesus Do?

These, of course, are real (Dixie Highway, man), but you can make your own here.

(Stolen, quite shamelessly, from our friends at Be A Human Being.)

Waking From My Slumber

A dark cloud has been hanging over CityHangover for the last week or so. After a triumphant return to my homeland, I must have eaten some bad spinach (or could it have been too many open wedding bars?) and have been on my death bed ever since. As in fever, headache, STD symptoms - you name it.

But yesterday my body received a miraculous jolt of energy pulling me out of this downward spiral of illness - a cortisone shot to the heart, if you will - by means of a resounding Michigan football win over the Notre Dame Fighting Douchebags.

Like my Wolverines, I have intentions of being back and more relevant than ever on this here "weblog". And after polling some loyal readers across the pond, I've got a clear understanding of what you people want. Social commentary? No. Unbiased coverage of current events? Nope. Embarrassing stories of my own ridiculousness? You got it!

As some guy once said (ha!), "Ask, and ye shall receive". I've got a host of stories to share in the coming days, and I promise I'll focus on the parts where I have too many drinks and offend innocent women. Ah, it's good to be home.